ABOUT

A Wedding Song

Author: zEn
Title: A Wedding Song
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/zenmeyang04/
Reviewer: SaMaNtHa
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/

Title: 3/5
The title isn't very interesting nor does it draw my attention. Your title is very typical, but it does connects with your story which I will give you points for!

Poster/Background: 5/10
Your poster is self made so thats a plus! BUT I didn't think it really fits your storyline. Your storyline is a bit on the sad side so the colors shouldn't be a soft pink but a darker color to portray the emotions in your story. The background was a bit plain but it didn't interfere with your font. The font color was also readable. The poster's format was good, it included the two main characters, a title, and quote. It had everything it needed but the downside was that the blending was not really good and the quote wasn't very visible since it blended with the bg of the poster. I'll give you half point for making the poster yourself and for including all the things necessary for a poster!

Forewords: 3/10
I honestly was very lost while reading your foreword. I didn't get 'her' and 'his' POV. The grammar was off so I was confused but I still read on hoping to comprehend with what you were writing. But towards the end I became even more lost. I don't understand your foreword. Having a understandable foreword is a must in a story. Its the first impression and the thing that will bring in your readers. As I read your foreword I saw a lot of grammar mistakes and you had mistakes on your grammatical tense, which is a bad first impression right? If I understood the forewords I would have given you more points. I gave you points because your foreword was lengthy and you included all the things a foreword should have.

Plot: 12/15
Your plot was good but you could always improve by going more in dept with the plot. Your plot was interesting with the conflicts and different emotions in your story. It wasn't very understandable because of errors but I have to say it was a nice plot. A bit on the cliche side but very nice!

Creativity/Originality: 13/15
Your story was creative, although it wasn't very original.

Flow: 10/10
The flow was good. It was well paced, not too rushed or stretched out; easy to follow.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/10
Like I have already stated, you have a lot of grammatical mistakes, for example in chapter 1;
'Time passed by with a swift motion. It’s been three tormenting years before she left him with nothing just a mere note.' As you read you can see the mistakes, as in missing words to support your sentence and wrong choice of word that messed up the sentence. It should be a bit like this,
'Time has passed by with a swift motion. It’s been three tormenting years since she left him with nothing, just a mere note.'
And here are some of your tense mistakes. Since this happened in the past it should be past tenths and not present tense.
'It breaks his heart every time he stares to that piteous paper. What made her leave without even telling him to send her to the airport? It’s their last time to see each other, to hug each other.'
'It broke his heart every time he stared to that piteous paper. What made her decide leave without telling him? She didn't even ask him to send her to the airport. It was their only chance to see each other, and to hug each other farewell.' As you see I changed some of your words and deleted unnecessary words.
You had a lot of grammar mistakes so re-read and revise. You placed a lot of unnecessary words in your sentences causing them to become confusing. Your choice of words were the big problem. You chose words that didn't fit the flow of your sentence.
Your spelling had small mistakes like may be should be connected since its a single word, 'maybe'. Your vocabulary was great! You didn't just use small words which I liked, you used words that were unusual but understandable! The thing you need to work on is your grammar and you'll improve greatly!

Characterization: 4/10
I didn't really understand what your character's personalities and traits were. You didn't describe them well in your story. I understand Charlene is the first cousin of Chun and she is very protective over him since she dislikes Ella but that's all I got from your story. She should have her own personality that doesn't involve your other characters since she is a supporting role. Chun is the sprung man who loves Ella while Ella is the girl who feels guilty for her past mistakes she made. A advice to have stronger characterization is to descibe them more by their actions and not just by their dialogues.

Writing Style: 5/10
Your writing style was okay. I've stated a lot of times already but I'll say it again. You need to improve on your tenses. You also overused your dialogue. You barely had any descriptions since you were too busy with the dialogue, if you cut your usage of dialogue and payed more attention to the information and details of your story your writing style will become better. I disliked the fact that you used 'he' and 'she' a lot, it was confusing. You kept referring to your characters as he and she so I didn't know who you were referring to. I also didn't like the format. You cut off a lot of your sentences and inserted them into new lines. I didn't see the point for that. All in all your writing is understandable but you can improve I know you can!

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I would of enjoyed it more if you fixed your mistakes and had more details so I could envision the story.

Sub-Total: 63/100
Extras: 3/5
Total: 66/105

I hope my review helped a little. I hope you don't get discouraged but get encouraged to become a better author that you know you can be! Thank you for requesting from us and I am SO sorry for the delay of your review!