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ABOUT  NAME: Writers Strike! - VST TYPE: One shot and co-author requests OPENED: 1/1/11 WEBMISS: Carrie COWEBMISS: SaMaNtHa EMAIL: writerstrike@hotmail.com  Welcome to Writers Strike, the sister site of Versahtyle, where you can "Let your thoughts flow free, and we'll create your dream" through one shots and co author requests! Navigation TAGBOARD Music |
The Dolls First Love
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Author: SSZE_A501 Title: The Dolls First Love Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/37000/12/the-dolls-first-love-apply-infinite-korean-romance-sad-you Reviewer: [ Sung.ii.ee ] Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/ Title: 4/5 Matches the story and it indeed captures the attention of a reader who's skipping through a list of fanfics. I'm taking a point, though, for it was supposed to be "Doll's" Poster/Background: 5/10 Nothing special with the poster & background. They only match the story, but they're all kinda messy. Forewords: 10/10 Well organized and neat, insighting what your story is about, describing the characters... I can't ask for more, bravo. Plot: 13/15 The plot itself is great. I like how it developed and how the characters were trapped inside dolls. Though, at some point, it's going to be confusing. Well, maybe it's just me not being familiar with Infinite. Also, I like how you somehow linked the characters in their past and their present through those dolls. Creativity/Originality: 12/15 I've read a couple of doll stories until now, but they weren't this good. I'm not saying that it's cliche, but the idea isn't that fresh. You did indeed add some original twists (as I said, linking the characters through the dolls and the dolls getting souls instead of just being material), so thumbs up for that. On the other hand, the story isn't finished, so I pretty much have no right to judge this part, since I have no idea what you're going to write next. Flow: 8/10 As much as I liked the story, it was confusing, from my point of view. I didn't know which one was a flashback and which one was 'present'. One time, they were kids. Then they were all grown up. Then back to kids, then... Ah, you know what I mean. Also, it seemed either too rushed or too slow. You need to keep a constant pace of your story. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10 I strongly suggest having your story double-checked before posting it. There were a lot, and I mean A LOT of spelling mistakes, subject-verb misacordations and vocabulary is average. I'm not trying to say that you should use fancy words everywhere, but adding them here and there might boost up the reader's impression over your vocabulary. I understand that English isn't your first language. Neither is it mine, but try to fix the spelling and grammar and I'm sure it will be wayyy~ better. Characterization: 9/10 I'm glad, on the other hand, that I could portray the characters almost perfectly. Making them a chapter for each may be a bit too much, but I appreciate your efforts. You detailed their past and the way the ended up in the dolls really good, and that's what I like. Thumbs up for that. If I weren't to read the chapters that described the boys and the girls, I would've been 'What the-... What's this about, again?' Writing Style: 7/10 You've ballanced them almost equally, but at certain points, there were only dialogue scenes. I strongly suggest intercalating them. Your description and dialogue are obviously separated, and that hurts the eye a bit. Overall Enjoyment: 3/5 To be frank, I only enjoyed the idea of your plot, for your story was rather confusing for me. Maybe I'll re-read it when I'll be familiar with Infinite. Sub-Total: 77/100 Extras: 3/5 I'd continue reading your story as a silent reader, but I'm rather busy. Please keep writing, I'm sure you will improve in the near future. Total: 80/105  |
