Author: choonhee02
Title: You’re always my number 1
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/decadent/
Reviewer: Jong Jong-i
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/

Title: 5/5

Cute title :) Love the Big Bang reference.

Poster/Background: 9/10

Wow, great job on this!! The color scheme definitely works, especially since you used complimentary colors. I love the old paper texture, it blends nicely with the pictures. I also love your selection of photos. However, I must take a point off because I think the font in the title distracts from the theme and doesn’t flow well with the rest of it. Something flowing like script would have worked. The font used for “you’re always” would have done nicely if it was a darker color to match the color scheme.

Forewords: 7/10 It explained what the story will be about well, although it would have held my interest better if the information flowed, rather than being sorted out. For example, tell me about your characters in the Summary. The quotes were chosen nicely though… However I didn’t like the three-four lines of periods. (….)

Plot: 15/15

As soon as I recognized the plot and confliction, I loved it. The memories of and old bestie vs. new sweetheart. Goodness, I really like the concept. They both treat her so well and it makes the story much more interesting :) I love how Jiyong is trying to get close to her, although she can’t bring herself to think of him in that way because of Jaejoong.

Creativity/Originality: 10/15

Bumping into your idol on the street and them being smitten immediately isn’t original. It’s the first thing fangirls fantasize about. Everyone’s thought of it… show me something new! :) However, the overall plot, I felt, was pretty original. I haven’t run into any fanfics thus far that involve confliction with someone that you haven’t seen in years. It’s like the memory of him is haunting her. I like this!

Flow: 7/10

Things like getting ready and such can be omitted. Otherwise, you have a good flow. The flashbacks with Jaejoong always fit well within the current setting.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10

Please, don’t say LOL. You’re breaking character when you comment on your own work during the writing. If It’s the character thinking that… describe it in any other way than LOL. This includes other acronyms (like OMG) and emoticons (like >_<)… try to avoid using them in your stories. Also, Is/are get mixed up, there are many capitalization errors and also various omitted words (ex: “She came back with a plastic [bag] of ice creams.”). Please choose a tense! You switch a lot between past tense and present tense. (“I heard…” v. “I hear…”)

- Characterization: 6/10

Because there is so much dialogue, your readers have to get to know the characters through what they say, rather than what they do. Points off for that, but otherwise you describe your characters pretty well. Their character traits are pretty unique for each person and are constant. Howver, when Jiyong meets Iseul, he thinks that she is different than the other fans. As the reader, I don’t know what it is that he sees. What makes her different? The readers don’t know, and Jiyong doesn’t say or think anything to hint to us what it is, aside from her being “pretty” and “funny.” Can’t every fan be pretty and funny? Tell me what it is that stands out to Jiyong. As fans, we want to know how to stand out to our idols! Keke… Also, I LOVE TOP IN THIS. *screams uncontrollably* He’s so adorable and such a good oppa!

Writing Style: 4/10

Describe things with imagery, don’t just tell me the apartment is “big”, “huge”, and like a “freakin’ huge mansion”. What makes it huge? Does it have pillars? Many rooms? A domed-shaped roof? When did you notice how big it was? There is too much dialogue and not enough description. I want to know what you see, what you feel, what you hear. Describe what your senses are experiencing; your readers don’t want to hear only dialogue. You build your story wel, although in the beginning it seemed unexciting to me. I must say… I REALLY like the suspense at the end of some chapters. Great job on that! *wink* Sometimes you use asterisks for thoughts, other times you don’t use anything. Choose one! Ah and the fluffy moments are so cute! Still lacks detailed description, but definitely ADORABLE!

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

At first, it wasn’t my cup of tea. When the plot began to develop and so did the characters, I began to enjoy it. All in all, you did well on the concepts; the plot, characters, etc. As for the grammar and such, not so well at all.

Sub-Total: 69/100

Extras: 5/5

-Extra points for such a great attitude when dealing with me, being patient, and having a lively spirit in you A/N <3

-Also, the chapters got better and better as they went on.

-Leaving me in suspense!!

Total: 74/105