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ABOUT  NAME: Writers Strike! - VST TYPE: One shot and co-author requests OPENED: 1/1/11 WEBMISS: Carrie COWEBMISS: SaMaNtHa EMAIL: writerstrike@hotmail.com  Welcome to Writers Strike, the sister site of Versahtyle, where you can "Let your thoughts flow free, and we'll create your dream" through one shots and co author requests! Navigation TAGBOARD Music |
The Forgotten Melody
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Author: Pararae Title: The Forgotten Melody Link: http://peaceful-pandemonium.blogspot.com/2010/12/forgotten-melody.html Reviewer: EverlastingQ. Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/ Title: 4/5 You can't possibly find another beautiful title for such a beautiful storyline, it's like they're meant for each other. When I first read it, I knew it was related to music but I didn't know it'll end up being a name of a piano piece. I was somewhat expecting like.. a melody between two lovers who ended up being separated and erased from memories. Your title is very unique and I can't help but wonder about different kind of plots that this title will create. Poster/Background: 4/10 Well.. you didn't have a poster for this since it's posted on your blog, so I can't help but to deduct some points. I think you could've at least requested or made one and post it at the very start of your post. Though your background, or should I say template, does give a feel to it and fit well with the story. Forewords: 8/10 Your forewards is amazing! The sophisticated yet straightforward and simple quote, really had a strong impact on me. Your short summary which was only four lines, was really touching. "This is a story of life and death, dreams and hope, connection and disconnection," I personally love that line so much! It's like you're trying to inform readers that this isn't just another romantic story, but a story that involves complications in life and in order to know the hidden meaning, you'll have to be mature enough to understand about life. I LIKE. ;) Plot: 13/15 The storyline is amazing, although not much really happened. It's one of those plots where they drag me into it, and as much as I try to take my eyes off the screen, I can't. It's been a while since I've been so attracted to a certain fanfiction. Creativity/Originality: 14/15 One of a kind, so original. I've never read anything like this before. It was quite unexpected how in the end, Jaejoong couldn't fulfil his dreams and eventually passed away. I was somewhat expecting something to happen between him and Raven. Unexpected yet creative and unique twist, I like that. Flow: 8/10 Perfect. Usually in one-shots that I've read and/or reviewed, the author would simply rush it and skip to next scenes or even weeks, so they can fit everything into the one shot. As for this, you only focussed on one scene and continued working on it till the very end. You were so descriptive throughout the whole way and with your descriptions, you managed to create a fair length one-shot. Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10 Your vocabulary is excellent, you aboid being repetitive and used synonyms. Same with spelling, you didn't have much mistakes. Since this is just a one shot, I'm just gonna list as many grammar and typo mistakes I can find. "He was tryly the goddess's envy and the man's pride." I found two mistakes in this sentence. Instead of "goddess's", it should have just been "goddess' ", without another "s" at the end. I'm sure you could pick up this mistake, but probably just missed it. "Man's pride", are you talking about just one man or many more? It should have been "men's pride" instead. I think that's the only grammar mistakes I could point out. The rest is minor to the minor, where you're just missing fullstops or commas at the end of a dialogue. Characterization: 10/10 WOOOOOOAH, YOU'RE AMAZING, THIS IS AMAZING! You characterized the characters, example Jaejoong, so beautifully, precisely and well descriptive. I can picture him as I continue reading your words, they're so.. clear. I can't even find the right words to describe how descriptive you can get. The way you described the situations were so perfect and detailed, I could imagine myself standing there, right beside Jaejoong as he play his piece. Very well done, my first time giving full marks for this category! Writing Style: 7/10 A little complex, but I could still understand. For those who's bad at English will probably find it really hard to know what you're actually saying. But all in all, I love how it's so deep and portrays an emotional feeling. Your writing style is neat, which makes it easier to read. Though, I don't quite like it how you didn't inform readers that there's a slight change in perspectives. From third, it immediately skipped to first without warnings. Maybe you should do something about that. Overall Enjoyment: 5/5 Love it! I'm extremely sorry for taking so long to review your story, and I personally regret for not reviewing this earlier. This is beautiful! I also love how you used Jaejoong as the main character, my number one bias! So yeah, gave you extra points for this category because of that. Sub-Total: 80/100 Extras: 2/5 Total: 82/105  |
