ABOUT

Cycle it out

Author: MinYuen
Title: Cycle it out
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/38314/cycle-it-out-one-shot-dbsk-mature-oneshot-you-yunho
Reviewer: carabella
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/

Title: 5/5
Your title was different, short but it connected with the one shot. Not much to say about it, but I think it'll be more attractive if you capatalized all three words in your title.

Poster/Background: 4/10
Well umm, the photos of Yunho fits the theme of your oneshot. So I have no complaints. BUT for the background...I didn't like it. It gave off a more angst,mysterious feel rather than lust and sexual feel. The background looks like a hunted house so I have no idea why its used as your background. The color of it was also very dark which did not really fit the concept of the story.

Forewords: 2/10
The foreword was very short, very empty. It gave no information what so ever about what the story was going to be about. BUT you did state the characters, which is a plus. I also liked how you ended your forewords with a question. It draws in readers but your question was not very attractive or understandable. I found it confusing because of how you worded your sentence. You wrote 'Thinking this spinning class as something different, you join it but...how different is it?' I didn't really get what it meant. Maybe changing it a bit like, "Thinking this spinning class was something different; you joined it but...how different was it?" I think it would've been better if you add more than one sentence. Tell your readers a little more but avoid giving the whole story away. So overall I will give you two points for stating the characters and attempting to attract readers with your question!

Plot: 8/15
Well the plot was different, might I say. The plot was interesting, but there was no point to it. There were no intro, climax, or fall. The climax was when she asked Yunho if the room was free but it ended there. I know one shots are supposed to be quick but I think this one shot really didn't have a solid plot. The plot was short and simple nothing stood out nor was it really interesting to me.

Creativity/Originality: 15/15
It was creative and original, nothing more to say.

Flow: 7/10
The flow for this one shot was okay. I would've liked it more if you included, in the beginning how she found out about the cycle class and why she wanted something different in her life. These small things could have made the flow better.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Everything was great. No typos, and or messy grammar. The vocabulary was also okay.

Characterization: 4/10
For your main girl her character was not very apparent. I honestly do not know what her personality was. Is she a bored lady who wanted change so she entered the class who finds it very unique? All I know is that she is a lady who enjoys that type of pleasure because she also attends lap dancing classes so she is not a pure girl at all. I dont know if she is a shy girl or whatever but, you should add in more personality. For Yunho's character. I know he is the mischievous/enjoyable instructor. He is very outgoing due to his carrer choice and he seems close and or friendly with his students. He also has a strong personality. Yunho's character was good, you just needed to add more to the female character.

Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style was good, simple, and easy to understand. I like people who are descriptive but maybe...you're a bit TOO descriptive for me haha. Its just me but your readers seemed to enjoy it. I thought your writing was very neat! You didn't overuse your dialogue and you added details so it was very good!

Overall Enjoyment: 0/5
Sorry, I did not enjoy it. Maybe if it actually had a story line and a purpose but this one shot was just pure smut nothing more.

Sub-Total: 65/100

Extras: 2/5
Extra points for being creative and for requesting at this site!

Total: 67/105